


soft skin, and soft lips

by Splashy



Series: Songfics [11]
Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Mostly Fluff, Songfic, mostly canon events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-11-02 00:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20557439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Splashy/pseuds/Splashy
Summary: They're so pretty it hurtsI'm not talking 'bout boys, I'm talking 'bout girlsThey're so pretty with their button-up shirts





	soft skin, and soft lips

**Author's Note:**

> songfic to the song girls by girl in red

_I've been hiding for so long_  
_These feelings, they're not gone_

Alyssa picked at a loose thread on her sleeping bag, distantly listening to Kaylee and Shelby as they talked about boys. She wasn’t really listening to them, instead lost in her own thoughts.

Her very different thoughts.

While they were thinking about boys, Alyssa was thinking about girls. She’d been doing a lot of that, in fact. And it could only lead to one conclusion: Alyssa is a lesbian.

The thought scared her, but it also made some things click into place. Like why her heart always boomed in her chest whenever a girl so much as even smiled at her, or when she connected eyes with Emma. 

And at first, she thought that maybe they’d go away. Surely it wasn’t true. She couldn’t be a lesbian! Kaylee and Shelby would hate her, and her mother…

She closed her eyes, fisting closing around the fabric of her sleeping bag, and desperately tried to get these thoughts out of her mind.

_Can I tell anyone?_  
_Afraid of what they'll say_  
_So I push them away_

She couldn’t tell anyone. She wanted to, oh how she longed to, but she _couldn’t._

Shelby and Kaylee would stop talking to her, and her mother might disown her. Or, even if she didn’t, it would probably feel like she had. Or maybe it would’ve ended up being better if she had. 

Either way, there was no way she could tell anyone. She was too scared of what they’d say, how they’d react. So she kept her feelings hidden, bottled up inside her. She had to be careful that they didn’t show up, so she tried to distance herself from her friends. But they made it hard.

_I'm acting so strange_

“Hey Alyssa, are you okay? You look like you’re going to pass out or something,” Shelby’s concerned voice reaches Alyssa while she’s lost in thought, successfully pulling her out of her reverie.

“Please don’t pass out on my floor,” Kaylee mumbles, though Alyssa can still see the concern in her eyes. She swallows.

“I’m fine, I promise. I was just…” She pauses, trying to figure out what to say that would make them stop questioning her. “Just thinking. But that doesn’t matter!” She smiled at them, hoping it was convincing enough.

And by way they dropped it and started talking about boys even more, Alyssa knew she had succeeded.

_They're so pretty it hurts_  
_I'm not talking 'bout boys, I'm talking 'bout girls_  
_They're so pretty with their button-up shirts_

Alyssa was in chemistry, though she could hardly focus on her teacher. Instead, she was watching as Emma wrote down notes, her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth just slightly. It’s enough to send a rush of heat through her.

Sometimes, she couldn’t stand how pretty Emma is. Especially when she’s wearing one of her flannels. She wished she could just reach out to her and kiss her, but they have to keep their relationship hidden. And it’s so hard.

But she knows it’s for the best. She doesn’t know how everyone would react if they found out, and she’s not sure she wants to.

So for now, she’s stuck admiring Emma from a distance, at least until they can go to the band closet or to Emma’s grandma’s house. And she’s fine with that.

But it still hurts to have to admire Emma from afar while they’re in public.

_I shouldn't be feeling this_  
_But it's too hard to resist_  
_Soft skin, and soft lips_

In the band closet, Alyssa lets out a quiet sigh as her lips connect with Emma’s.

She knows she shouldn’t be feeling this way. But being here in the band closet, kissing Emma, it’s too hard to resist. Emma is too hard to resist, with her soft skin and soft lips.

She hears a little hum come from the back of Emma’s throat and kisses her even harder until they have to pull apart, breathing heavily. But all it takes is another look and she’s going back in for more.

_I should be into this guy_  
_But it's just a waste of time_  
_He's really not my type_  
_I know what I like_

Alyssa was sitting on the couch with Greg a respectable distance away from her. They were at his grandma’s house and were watching a movie. Greg had insisted they watch High School Musical, so that’s what they were doing.

But Alyssa couldn’t focus on the movie. Instead, her thoughts are drifting to Emma. Emma, who she sees sometimes at school and who she saw briefly when she walked in. Emma had been sitting on the couch, but Greg had made her get up so they could use it.

She had made eye contact with Emma, and suddenly all she could hear was the blood rushing in her ears.

And now, over an hour later, she was still thinking about her. She’d never really paid much attention to her before, though she knew of her. They’d had a few classes before.

And for a reason she never knew, Emma was also bullied a lot. Alyssa hated seeing it happen, though it always seemed like Emma was used to it. Which Alyssa hated even more.

Sitting here with Greg was becoming a waste of her time. She wished she could be upstairs with Emma, watching a movie with her. Hopefully, she’d pick something better than High School Musical. And they could sit there, curled up next to each other, watching the movie. And maybe Emma would turn to look at her, and she’d look at Emma, and they’d lean in, and…

Alyssa was quick to stop that train of thought. That was not something she should be thinking about now, or...ever. She tries to focus on the movie, on Greg, but something has become clear in her mind.

Greg is most definitely not her type. But she knows what - or who - is.

_No, this is not a phase_  
_Or a coming of age_  
_This will never change_

“I...I like you. Really like you. More than I ever expected to. And I understand if you don’t feel the same way, but I just—”

“Alyssa.”

“You deserved to know, and if you don’t want to be friends anymore, then that’s fine, I get it—” Before Alyssa can go any further, she feels Emma’s lips on hers. And before she can even process what’s happening, she’s reacting.

She kisses Emma back, feeling more like herself than she has in months. Maybe years. But being with Emma, kissing her...nothing has ever felt more right.

And Alyssa knows now. Knows that this isn’t a phase. It’s not just some trial period. This is never going to change.

She’s a lesbian, and that’s that. She doesn’t want to be anything different, not if being a lesbian means she can kiss Emma.

Emma wraps her arms around her waist, and Alyssa decides this is her new favorite place to be, in Emma’s arms.

_They're so pretty it hurts_  
_I'm not talking 'bout boys, I'm talking 'bout girls_  
_They're so pretty with their button-up shirts_  
_They're so pretty it hurts_  
_I'm not talking 'bout boys, I'm talking 'bout girls_  
_They're so pretty with their button-up shirts_

After they officially became a couple, Emma and Alyssa knew they had to keep it a secret. And it sucked, but it meant they were together. And that was enough for Alyssa.

Throughout every day, whenever possible, the two would exchange looks. Nobody ever noticed, and they were quick enough to look away before someone did. But even just that small moment was enough to make Alyssa smile every time it happened. She definitely looked forward to it every day.

Not as much as she looked forward to their meetings in the band closet, though.

It became a tradition that she loved. At least twice a week Alyssa would go to the band closet and eat lunch with Emma. It was also a perfect time to make out with her. 

They went through a little over a year like this, into the second semester of their senior year. And that’s when it all went crashing down.

The PTA found out Emma wanted to bring a girl to prom, and they canceled it. Alyssa had no idea what she was supposed to do now. They had been planning on coming out then, and she thought it might’ve been okay. But seeing her mother’s reaction…

She didn’t know.

_'Cause I don't know what to do_  
_It's not like I get to choose who I love_  
_Who I love, who I love, who I love_

Alyssa and Emma were at Emma’s grandma’s house. Emma sat on her bed while Alyssa paced.

“What are we going to do?” she worried, her steps increasing. “Prom is canceled now. We can’t do our original plan. And...I mean, maybe it was for the best? If my mom is reacting this way to this, even without knowing it’s _me_ that you want to bring to prom…” Her breathing started to go frantic, her chest constricting.

“Babe,” Emma called out to her softly as she watched with concerned eyes as her girlfriend paced.

“What are we going to _do?_”

“Alyssa…” Emma stood up and held Alyssa’s hands, forcing her to stop and meet her eyes. “It doesn’t matter what happens. They may not know about us, but we do.” She squeezed Alyssa’s hands, rubbing her thumbs over her fingers slowly. “And that’s enough. Don’t you think so?”

Alyssa took a deep breath before she smiled at Emma. “Yeah.”

“Good.” She paused, before taking a deep breath. “I love you.”

Alyssa’s eyes widened. “What…?”

“I do. I love you, Alyssa. And...even if the rest of the world can’t know it for now, you can.” 

“I...I love you too. God, I love you so much, Emma.” Alyssa pulled Emma closer and kissed her, pouring as much of what she was feeling into it as she could. Emma wrapped her arms around Alyssa and held her close. 

And Alyssa was right. This really was her favorite place to be.

_They're so pretty it hurts_  
_I'm not talking 'bout boys, I'm talking 'bout girls_  
_They're so pretty with their button-up shirts_

So much had changed in so little time.

And hearing Emma’s breath hitch as she sobbed on the other side of her phone...All Alyssa wanted to do was go back. Go back to when things were fine, when she could be with Emma without everyone else having to know.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers into the phone. She wants to make this better. And there’s something she could do to do that, but...She can’t. She _can’t,_ so why does Emma expect her to? 

The silence on the other end is telling. And as Emma hangs up, Alyssa has never felt so alone, even while in a room full of people.

Sometimes, she wonders why she couldn’t just gather up the courage to do what she should have. Surely it wouldn’t have been that hard? All she had to do was walk out of that room and go to the gym where Emma was. Then everyone would know, and Emma wouldn’t have been hurt so much. She wouldn’t be alone.

Neither of them would be.

But now, after some time has passed since then, as she watches the video Emma made, she feels ready. She can do this. For Emma. For both of them.

_And they're so pretty it hurts_  
_I'm not talking 'bout boys, I'm talking 'bout girls_  
_They're so pretty, it hurts_

Emma holds Alyssa close as they dance. They’re lost in each other’s eyes, the only sound they can hear is their own heartbeats and the music in the background.

All the events leading up to this point hardly seem to matter. The good times, the heartbreak. They’re all inconsequential now. The only thing she cares about is Emma, holding onto her as they dance.

And then the song has ended, and Emma’s leaning in.

The two kiss, in front of everyone at that prom. And Alyssa’s glad for it. She’s glad, because now she doesn’t have to hide. Now she can be with Emma freely, without caring what anyone would think if they knew.

And she wouldn’t have it any other way.


End file.
